|I Confess: Apologies, Acknowledgments, Amends|
With No Excuses, But Some Explanations
Part One of the Story of My Life Laid Bare
Note: This blog-post represents something of a departure for me. I feel led to share a number of recent (and some, not-so-recent) realizations about myself. Because of a set of circumstances that began 4 weeks ago, my 1st, very human impulse is to "duck & cover"/"hunker down", or, conversely, to defend myself, as well as family members involved. I'm NOT going to do that. I'm also going to continue to protect the privacy of those involved, even though doing so is probably fanning the flames & playing into the hands of people who do not know me, or my spouse, & have an agenda that may be far different from that they portray. That is all I will say about that. No specifics about anyone but myself. If you truly know me, no amount of smoke & mirrors will alter our experiences with one another, & your opinion, good or bad, of me & mine. However, you may be surprised at some of what I share in this blog post. It hurts. It's humiliating. It's humbling. And that's kind of the point. I'm not going to point fingers or catalog wrongs & failures of others. I have no control over anyone but myself. So, I intend to "own up" to the beam in my own eye. This won't be pretty & if you are bothered by raw emotion, brutal honesty, or deep regret, wait for one of my more trivial or superficial posts. (I will toss in a little of my trademark wry wit, though, so it's not a total downer.) It won't be short, either. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but it doesn't serve the confessional well. So, faithful reader, you've been warned. My usual Pollyanna perspective is not present, today. But if you want to peek behind the curtain, & see the real, unvarnished me, this may be the one blog post where I dig deep & do that. The format's unlike my other posts, too. I'm less concerned with my prose style, & more interested in admitting my faults publicly, w/ nothing to hide. If there's an elephant in the room, one might as well acknowledge it. I took a vow, on a long-ago youth retreat, to eschew superficiality, & live in a "glass house", so that I may live humbly, & embrace truth fully, even when that's uncomfortable. In my experience, this can set one up to be ridiculed, accused of "over-sharing", & even have aspects of your life misunderstood, in the negative. On the plus side, though, it can mean others feel safe sharing their own struggles, w/o worrying about judgment, or shock. At it's best, "glass house living" is about wrestling w/ the truth.
And the truth will set you free, right?
So, here goes.